This is a real CV - and a great example of how to NOT write a CV... and it gives you an indication of some of the mentalities we have to deal with.
Firstly, let me share with you the two opening paragraphs of his 21 page CV...
I xxx xxx am honoured & privileged to present myself as a member of the creative elite with high quality skills across a wide range of media. With the power of innovation & creative expression i am liberated. I am a strong perfectionist with highly sophisticated creative & communication skills. My work ethics are highly advanced and tuned to streamlined design & production efficiency. My work is considered a labour of love and I am motivated by the pursuit of supreme excellence. My reputation is of world class state of the art skilled professional in performance & achievement of high distinctions throughout my career.
As a graphic designer I have developed a broad range of professional skills which are critical to reliability, producing a high quality image to be proud of with an edge on power house marketing techniques to educate & motivate the clients & general market in their demand of leading edge product innovation to an active participation in the unique & inspiring energy that we have come to love most about the exciting fashion graphic design industry experience like no other.
Perfectionist... with terrible, terrible grammar and punctuation. (Yes, I do realise the irony that my own sentence is a sentence fragment...) Check out that second paragraph - it's all one sentence and doesn't overly make much sense by the end of the ramble. I know my co-workers have told me all my emails should be in point form or else I risk breaking out into War & Peace, but this guy makes me look positively concise! He then goes on to add:
My accredited skills as a creative genius have been awarded high distinctions consistently throughout my educational journey of discovery building a professional competitive direction in the information technology, fashion, advertising & entertainment industries.
As a dedicated dynamic graphic designer my unique style is at the cutting edge of innovation with a sophisticated sense of beauty, simplicity and quality with a high degree of dynamic excellence based on 7 years experience and a high level of creative intelligence. The core of my creative talent is a labour of love & is proudly established in a sense as second nature and so as I meet the challenges with confidence I can guarantee a strong professional attitude to install complete client satisfaction from concept to completion combined with an informative, stylish aesthetic & superior proficiency of productivity methods to be proud of to benefit one & all.
...and it just keeps getting better:
141 IQ creative intelligence
I am described as being very honest & modest as I am a gifted creative genius with an IQ of 141 out of 144 and rated in the top 2% of creative intellectuals world wide (as accredited by emode.com the leading authority on intellectual quotient testing).
The tag - he has no work. His email to us: Why is it a creative genius can't find work ?
