Not terribly much to update just yet. A meeting has been called by the doctors with the family at 4pm today, where i'm sure we'll be filled in on where everything is currently at and what we can expect. By nature, I guess we're all fearing the worst, although I did gain some hope when I heard he was breathing without the aid of a machine last night.
The mood at the hospital was rather light and good humoured, which I think really does show that remarkable side to the Akers clan. Even in the face of something so hideous, we never seem to lose our sense of humour, and amongst a lot of the nostalgia last night was a lot of laughter and love, which was good to feel. By the end of the night though, I felt so drained and talked out, and was pleased to hit home, crawl into bed and watch a film. I've been sleeping 'ok', considering the circumstances, although still find my mind often wandering and wondering about Rosie, Mum and Dad.
Mum and Dad seemed a little more calmed yesterday; i'm not sure how much of this is an act or how reconciled they actually are. Rosie spent a little time last night to herself as well, which I felt she really must have needed. It was probably the first opportunity she has had since Sunday night to take everything in, to think beyond the immediate, and to contemplate what possibilities were right in front of her. She has been so remarkably strong over the past few days, holding a brave face, and I really do admire her for keeping her spirit as positive as possible.
I must admit that i've been avoiding calls and questions from friends as much as possible. I sent an email out to immediate friends yesterday, just to fill them in since it felt like something that they would probably want to know sooner than later, but also so that I didn't need to constantly address and re-address it afterwards. I appreciate their love and concern, but I guess in circumstances like this, I do often appreciate my own space and my own time to reflect on everything. I've kept the news pretty tight amongst my circle of friends, not wanting to lay unnecessary awkwardness with anyone, but moreso with those who are likely to call or pop in out of the blue.
If anything, it has been great to see so much of my family over the past few days, although under such horrible circumstances. I found myself utterly drained by the time I left the hospital last night though, finding that I was beginning to go inside myself and just shut down; although this provided much ammunition for Sid. However, to see the family laugh and stick together is a great thing, and i'm glad Sid's loud sense of humour can help maintain that (i'm sure he must be even more exhausted at the end of the day).
I've come into work today (currently on lunch), and even managed to fit in a client visit, which is remarkable considering my head is all over the place at the moment. But I would rather keep myself busy during moments like this than sit around and dwell. It's not a case of denial, but moreso just a chance to allow my mind to focus on other things and to not be consumed with grief. Besides, I know I wouldn't want that if I was in Mark's place, and knowing Mark, he would want us to celebrate his life and show our gratitude for having had him in our lifes.
Mark was a unique soul. What some might consider limitations in certain fields of his life, he used to fuel him forward in other aspects. When I think of Mark, I think of a hard worker who pushed himself to get things done, and someone who was devoted to the people who loved and understood him.
