It still astounds me how fast this year has actually gone. With a mere matter of weeks before 2004 ends, I find myself reflecting on the year just gone, and have come to the conclusion that, while it has perhaps not been the year I would've wanted, it has been a good year on the whole. Certainly, a year that is going to benefit me for years to come. I was kind of hoping that 2004 would be a wonderfully productive year, but it tends to feel more like the year where I got back up off my knees and brushed the dirt from my shoulders. The stigma of 2003 feels a little less sharp now, and I feel that i've proven myself to be a fast learner, and capable worker, having put myself on a steep learning curve with two totally new industries.
But having said that, the uncontrollable swerve i'm facing as I drive to a close of 2004 reminds me that I haven't perhaps achieved as much this year as what I wanted to. I'm beginning to feel the pressure of getting off my lazy arse and making some dents into some of the more creative projects I have on the side at the moment, especially relating to one dear friend, now back in the UK, and to a recent new interest in my half finished manuscript sitting on my pc. I didn't write as much music this year as I thought I would. And in fact, I find myself concerned at why I haven't. Perhaps it is because i'm trying to shake off this flu i've had this week as I type this, or perhaps it was because I had so many other things on the go, none the least learning the new job as I mentioned before, or even just the challenge of maintaining a relationship, which has also been a relatively new experience for me. But IF I have to make a new years resolution, it would have to be to start to find my focus again, and to dig into these projects so that I don't become a person that looks all talk and no action.
It's amazing the mind play simple words can do. Recently, I saw written somewhere "What are you going to do? Do SOMETHING." A really feckin' easy concept. And yet one so many people fail to do. When I found myself struggling over the past week or two, this sentence has just appeared in my head, and when I process it and think about it for a sec (which some could interpret as irony in it's own way), I actually put those words into action. You have to love those little mantras.
Usually, this time of year, I set about writing up 'the letter', which has been a tradition for the past several years. Essentially, 'the letter' is a positive reinforcement but on a more personal level. I always believe that people tend to focus too much on the negative out there... in society... in others... and often very superficial... a person will be recognized as fat before their character comes into play... it just brings everyone down into one giant bummer. Instead, as I reflect on my year and what i've learned from the year, I think about the people around me that have played a vital part in my year, whether it be helping to bring some form of lesson into my life, or merely being the most exceptional companions and sources of inspiration along the way, and I write it all down in one big get-out-of-the-way letter and let them know how their existence has made a difference in my life. Often, I make up a CD to go with it, and generally, being the audio driven person that I am, it will make up the soundtrack to that year, especially since my friends and I have the habit of owning songs... such as 'Desert Rose' is Michael and my song... or 'It Just Won't Do' is a Micheal Ritchie song... or 'My Vision' was a Jimmy song... or 'How Do You Know?' was pretty much just our entire posse's song... it all goes in 'the letter'.
This year though, i'm not sure if I will do 'the letter'. I will probably change my mind at the last minute and do it, but it was a half baked attempt last year. It has just occured to me how pathetic I am to write about 2005 being the year of focus and getting it done, and here I am writing about not even completing a tradition that i've held for the past few years... but I guess part of the reason feels like 2003 truly was the closing of one chapter of my life and that i've well and truly entered a new and entirely different chapter. I guess we'll see... perhaps i'll try a virtual one and just blog it all out. God bless technology.
Those who know me well also know that I avoid New Years Resolutions like the plague, mostly cause I feel most people don't stick to them, and so they serve little purpose other than trying to start your year on a brighter note. Even then, it generally fails as most people realise their resolution will last maybe a week before old habits kick in. I tend to prefer the retrospective method of creating New Year Mantra's; the art of looking back over the year, and trying to bring what my key lesson i've learned that year down to a sentence that can remind you of the way to move forward in the future. Past ones have included such gems are 'No right or wrong ways, only ways forward' and 'the rules of life are only guidelines when no better options present themselves'. I'm not entirely sure what this years one will be yet, but... er... i'll keep you posted.
Thanks to those that sent me messages regarding Ant and my 'visitor' recently. We haven't had any return visits, although a friend of mine wisely pointed out that I do keep a phone bill hanging on the cork board in the kitchen... so if he wanted my name and number - there it is! But, fingers cross, and knocking much wood (yes, that does sound racey), this won't be an ongoing occurance.
Ant and I are thinking of getting a sibling for Caspar soon... and when I say soon, I mean literally in the next few weeks. We'll keep you posted, but I have been checking out potentials and getting very clucky. I do get concerned that Caspar can get very bored at home, and so, now that Andrew no longer lives here, we can get a second pet that will keep each other company.
Anyway, I should get to bed as it is late, Ant is already asleep, and I have the Foxtel man arriving in the morning to digital us all up! Thanks to those keeping in touch, and for those I haven't spoken to in a while - drop me a line, or at least have a safe and fantastic Christmas and take my best wishes with you!
