On the Kylie forum Say Hey, someone recently asked the question of how the 30 second snippet of her unreleased track 'Our Lovin'' came to be leaked on the net. In a fit of creativity... or stupidity (you decide... how Big Brother of me), I wrote this reply. Actually, I do have some suspicions of how it came to leak, but I wouldn't want to incriminate anyone. Suffice to say, it isn't me, nor is it anyone I actually know or talk to... we're far more professional than that! However, my friend Tom suggested to me on the phone today that I should post this on my Blog, and decided 'why the heck not?', since it does tend to show my rather absurdist humour in typical form... so, for your viewing pleas...um... for your viewing... my responce to how the leaked 30 seconds of 'Our Lovin' came to be!
Once upon a time, deep in the dark forest, there lived three bears; papa bear, mama bear, and little baby bear. One day, as they sat around their table eating breakfast ('Just Right' seemed to be Papa and Mama's favourite, but Baby bear went for 'Honey Flakes'), a mysterious sound could be heard coming from not far away.
"What could that be?", growled Papa bear, annoyed at his breakfast being interrupted.
"I don't know", said Mama bear. "It sounds like... it sounds like something 'unreleased' by a potentially well known female singer."
"Quick!", yelped Baby bear, racing away from the table to grab his recordable Ipod from his room. "Let's record whatever it is and put it up on the Hub!"
And so they raced out the front door, across the forest, to a clearing not far from their home, where they could see camera crews, scantily clad dancers with blue cellaphane wrapped around their heads, and a tiny but gorgeous female performer set on a little podium.
"OK!... OK!", yelled an aggressive man with a megaphone, "We don't have much time before we run out of electricity, so we need you guys to GET THIS RIGHT quickly... ok? You lot of dancers", he said, pointing at a group who were transfixed by his directions, "Move like you're sexy trees, in speedos, blowing in the wind... and you lot", pointing at a different set of dancers, "I want you to be futuristic gay men who are cruising each other in this 'forest of pop lust'."
Behind him, a firey discussion continues about whether or not blue cellaphone really implies 'futuristic', whilst someone else is being ignored with their pleas that 'trees really don't wear speedos... or atleast not THAT brand of speedos'.
"OK... Our Lovin'... take 15... Lights... Camera... and....dddd....dddd... ACTION!"
A precisely thirty second snippet began to play, as hot men with well defined chests begun to move in a way you would expect a group of trees, in speedos, to wave, and the gorgeous woman on the podium seduced the camera in a way only she could.
Thirty seconds later, the music stopped, but Baby bear was pleased as he had managed to capture his prize to take back to the net.
"OK! Everyone... that's a wrap... thank you guys... let's go home!"
And so the bears sneaked away discretely, for fear they would be caught. They went back home, only to find that their breakfast had been eaten! Tired from the excitment, they decided to have a power nap (like bears ever need an excuse to sleep?), only to find that someone had been sleeping in their beds! Then Papa and Mama bear heard an excited cry coming from Baby bears room. He raced into their room, paws flaying wildly from excitment, as he turned to them and said...
