I've got too much life running through my veins going to waste...
We all love a bit of Robbie once in a while... and tonight was an extra special night. Although I missed Machine Gun Fellatio (just what time did they go on?), I did manage to catch Duran Duran, who proved that some things do truly get better with age. Although they didn't play my favourite ('I Don't Want Your Love'... trust me to go with the single that never really did much...), they did get the crowd perfectly warmed up for Robbie. And I have to admit that, while some of the recent photos haven't been too kind, they didn't look too bad at all on the big screens. Their set also just reinforced how many classics they have written, and you have to love any bad that can still do the 80's rock/pop poses and have you screaming for more. On stage, they were everything I wanted them to be and I lapped it up as a result. Infact, i'm disappointed that I didn't go to the Metro to see the seperate show cause I could easily sit through their set again. While we're at it, check out this:
Jumping to Robbie... well, the man just keeps getting better and better with each performance that I see. To think that I saw this man performing at Salt Nightclub a few years back... then move to Rod Laver Arena... and now to playing stadium sized venues is rather amusing and rewarding at the same time... but I jump too far ahead, although i'm not entirely sure of being able to articulate all the things I felt tonight... but i'm trying cause I feel the need to.
Oh, and it has to be commented that we had really really crap seats. I learned one lesson tonight - if you see a concert at Colonial, standing is always going to be better than spending the night hunched, trying to see the screen from under the base of the concrete seats that hang overhead. Trust me on this one. I did go up to the guard and ask, since there was plenty of room in the general admission, if we could relocate to there. "Not possible", he says. "But we can't see for shit!", I reply. "Mate, everyone is in the same boat", was the oracles reply. "Actually, no", I started, "The row in front of us have a remarkably better view and it gets even better as you move forward. We're not all in the same boat." Still, nothing that can be done although I am contemplating a complaint letter. I mean, why get 'exclusive pre-sale tickets' that cost $120 only to see Robbie look like an ant and end up getting back pains from spending all night trying to see half a screen?
Even with shit seats and everything though, Robbie was still a majestic experience. The set pretty much followed his recent Knebworth DVD, with 'Hot Fudge' removed and the inclusion of 'Sexed Up' into the set, whic especially thrilled me, being a personal fave from the last album...
But anyway, who should be sitting no more than a few rows away from me than some old FMR work mates. And it got me thinking tonight, which is often not a good thing lately. Get me thinking and I think of things that tend to make me feel like i've been a bit of a fool. And it's not self pity or anything like that... it just reinforces some of the lessons that I think I needed to learn this year... and this year, I think it has all been about 'letting go'.
I look at it this way... every year, at the end of the year, I think back over the past 12 months and try to devise some 'motto' of potentially reoccuring themes that I can utilise in my future. In the past, some motto's have been along the lines of 'no right or wrong steps, only steps forward'... or last years was about learning to 'be'... to 'be' in the moment.... to 'be' who I am... not trying to think ahead too much... not trying to be something that i'm not too much... but just 'be'.
Recently, a friend of mine and I were talking about 'friendship', and about how much I appreciate friendships, and how I like to invest in them, and how I felt that in recent times, I had invested energy into certain friendships that had, perhaps, been a waste of energy. And on this occasional, Mel said something that got me thinking. She was telling me about how close she used to be to someone but now, this someone just doesn't seem to want to know her, no matter how much time and energy she had invested into their friendship and how she just cared and doted on this person. And then she said, 'I guess I just have to accept that we were friends for a reason and that perhaps that reason isn't there anymore.'
And it got me thinking, and realising perhaps how much of a fool I had been... a fool because I had honestly thought some of the people from my past were my friends, when the reality of the situation was that it was the situation that kept the friendship there and nothing more. I honestly respected these people, actively seeking their approval and thoughts, and I feel a fool that I realise now I was never going to be an interest to them. I was a passing concern, and I think this upsets and disappoints me more than anything else that has been stripped from me this year. Obviously, i'm referring to certain people who I worked with at a former company... and while some remain loyal and friendly, I can't help but feeling that others have turned their back on me... perhaps even embarrassed for me... who knows? Needless to say, it just seems to put a lot of the themes i'm realising this year is about into more perspective, and helps me learn some more important lessons in my life.
But i'm not to be down about this. While the 'rejection' does hurt and disappoint me, I need to accept that I can never be 'everything to everyone', and move on from it... or at least try to learn to let it all go. I mean, why people become friends has always fascinated me anyway, and why there are some people who I admire and seek the approval of while there are others who I can just relax around still confounds me and makes me feel even more like the walking contradiction that I am.
But more importantly, this whole year has reminded me that there are people out there who I do make a difference to, and who do treat me with respect, dignity, and acknowledge me for the individual I am.
I wanted to go on a bit about Robbie here... i've often felt an affinity with Mr Williams. From the moment I first saw him perform 'Could It Be Magic?', I was fascinated with the man. Sure, I was attracted to him but this isn't what it was about. It was the expressiveness of his face... the attitude... the personality... I stated clearly from day one that I thought Robbie was a star and had several friends laugh at me cause he 'didn't write anything', and that clearly Gary Barlow was the one that was to go on to bigger and better things...
And then he didn't. And Robbie did. And has continued to.
And it felt like a verification that I knew what I was on about. Don't get me wrong here... i'm not trying to make out some 'I discovered Robbie' bullshit here... there are several thousand Robbie fans created with the 'Could It Be Magic?' filmclip... but there are moments in his music where I feel he and I are on such similar roads in our lives... from the triumphs to the vulnerability, from the success to the shame... I definitely feel what he says in his lyrics and more than anything, i'm thankful that he has the courage to write what he honestly feels as opposed to what he thinks we might want to hear. That's the sign of a great writer, and when coupled with a natural born performer, it's explosive.
And although I don't think my career has continued in the same way his has, I can only hope that perhaps my own 'Colonial' or 'Knebworth' is still yet to come, and that the people who I thought I meant something to in the past can honestly just fade to become the memories they personally prefer they are to me.
I can't help but think that this year is all about being forced more onto the road less travelled than choosing it necessarily. But, wish me luck as you wave me goodbye...
