Sent a reply to your hotmail account. Today has been all about replying to emails. I've sent so many personal emails today that I feel like i've worked through a bit of a backlog. Infact, I suspect that todays blog entry will probably be made up of edited highlights from emails i've sent other people... only cause they're probably going to prove to be far more interesting than any other crap I can come up with.
... it was a fairly small and intimate group, and many of the people I had never met before. But it struck me how fantastic all of his friends were. You know when you go to a dinner party and generally, the majority of the people can be, dare I say, rather drab... and generally there are one or two people that really have a personality that shine through and they become that 'life of the party'... well, all of his friends seem to have these amazingly strong personalities, were hysterically funny, excellent conversationalists, warm and friendly - infact, dare I say, I was the drabbest one at this party...
Entry #2
Context: discussing 'The Cheeky Song' by The Cheeky Girls.
It is truly the most cheesiest thing I heard this year... I think the chorus actually has lyrics along the lines of 'life is fun... touch my bum...', sung by the two lead female 'singers' are dressed in psuedo Switzerland mountain beer drinking gear... I just sat there dumbstruck by it... but I guess it made an impression so it works on some level. After all, I still remember the artist and the song title and even vividly remember some of the lyrics... I guess a song with two girls singing about access to their arse is bound to be memorable on some level.
Entry #3
Context: Discussing good and 'crap' music.
It's music... it's subjective... it's creative... there is no right or wrong in music... if it triggers an emotion within an individual, then that music is right for them. One of the things I love about xxx is the fact that he firstly recognizes that his taste in music would stereotypically be defined as cheesey and yet he does not care cause he knows that that music is right for him. Good on him, is what I reckon.
Entry #4
Context: my 'up' mood.
...I'm in a remarkably good mood today considering I haven't been well and the conditions under which i'm currently under but then again, i've often been surprised by my unexplainable optimistic and good moods over the past year. Curse this immature feeling of hope!
Entry #5
Context: Soul searching and change.
I agree, soul searching is a necessity. I think I do soul searching well. Or atleast, I think I think (yes, reading that aloud would sound strange) in mostly philosophical terms the majority of the time anyway, and so I naturally tend to question things or try to understand things all the time. I always maintain that the greatest realisation I ever had was when I realised I actually knew very little at all, and only then could my mind flip from being the 'I know it all' to the 'let's open our mind to experience and learn.' I think too many people fight change as well, which I find ironic since it is inevitable. People embrace routine like it is a good thing (this is the existentialist in me obviously beginning to peek out), and when something changes around them, freak out for fear that they won't be able to cope in the new situation. Yet I believe in the exact opposite - we learn more about ourselves when we're in uncomfortable situations where we might not feel as sure than when we do when we walk forward blindly confident. I guess my recent angst comes more from the fact that I was doing what I wanted and now i'm in a position where i'm doing as far away from what I wanted as possible, and I have a hard time trying to accept that reality. I'm sure that the next few months will probably continue to be somewhat rocky and turbulent for me, but I also have faith that I will get to the other end happy and stronger for the experience... I hope. lol!
Entry #6
Context: Describing yourself.
...I guess I never realised how much importance I placed on my job to define who I was. I was blurring between Lawrence 'the individual' and Lawrence 'the job description', and ultimately, while it provided me with a sense of purpose and a lifestyle that agreed with me despite its limitations, it could ultimately prove to be rather dangerous. I realised that when people asked me to describe myself, the first thing I would talk about was my job. It seems ironic that I found the most important and valueable thing about me was something that was so readily disposable, but it also made me realise how much people place a sense of worth and value into something that realistically isn't always stable. I've become big on the notion that the most important thing any individual can do for themselves is to find and develope their sense of uniqueness... a notion the majority of circuit boy gay men have a real problem with as they constantly try to clone themselves into the latest fashion trends and superficial expectations. I know it is difficult to often try to articulate something as intangible as 'the soul', but at the same time, I can't see any real worth on having a description based on an attachment to something that can ultimately be different within 24 hours. I'm rambling again...
Entry #7
Context: Unreleased PWL period Kylie.
The market is flooded with so much PWL period Kylie that it would seem to be verging on overkill for them to be released. It's all well and good to have some obscure acapella of Kylie singing 'The Locomotion', but you have to ask- would the average Joe on the street who likes Kylie really care about it? I suspect not... and in this day and age, creating CD's for the die hard fan base is pretty much an expensive and unnecessary task (especially with the rate files are transferred on the net).
Entry #8
Context: Dealing with harsh situations.
It may seem hard or a little harsh at the time but ultimately, anything like that will do you good... what doesn't kill you only serves to make you stronger and all those other well meaning cliches. At the end of the day, I try to keep my head above it by reminding myself that, no matter how 'hard done by' I might feel I am, there is always going to be someone worse out there who has had it ten times harder, ten times harsher and ten times more unfair than I have. Moral: deal with it and move on because self pity is so not attractive anymore.
Entry #9
Context: diet.
Yes, I have stopped the bacon and cheese rolls... especially from THAT supermarket... I mean, you can feel the fat soaked through it (maybe they infuse their wheat with it before baking? It seems soaked through the freakin' delicious things). And no donuts. And damn it, I should start watching my carbohydrate intake again as well cause I am SO addicted to them... especially those Snakata rice snacks... Roast Chicken... god they're good... I can devour an entire box on sight if i'm not careful... they're just so morish and chickeny. I'm sure they've probably smuggled a few little 'seasoning additives' on those puppies to get you hankering for more... I can't explain any other reason why i'm so addicted to them. I do have some other food based addictions... namely Pepsi Max. Can't get enough of that black fizzy gold. I seriously have a cold turkey effect if I go a few days without Pepsi Max, and after the first sip, I can feel my body becoming more 'human' and manageable. I have no doubt that there will be some nasty long term side effects to my Pepsi Max addiction, but hell - we all need a vice or two.
Entry #10
Context: in regards to my recent blog tanties...
God no... you should know by now that if I was pissed with anyone, they would most definitely know... just merely ill and my usual vague self. But yes, I was feeling the 'angst' of it all last week, but I decided to keep that in there cause I guess it will make people realise that i'm not always mr optimistic happy go lucky and that sometimes I do get pissed at the hand i've been dealt. But if there is one thing I hate more than that, it's whingers, and so i've got it out of my system now and can move on. Don't get the blog wrong - i'm not pissed at anyone - not FMR - not Alphalink - and definitely none of my friends who have the time and respect to care for me - but more at myself for not always dealing as well with the hand i've been dealt when I thought nothing could shake me at this point in time. I'd never be angry at my friends cause, if anything, they are the ones that have kept me feeling very much loved and worth something.
PS. I didn't ask any of these people if I could utilise parts of my responces to them in a public viewable blog... I hope they don't mind... if they do - lol_at_work@hotmail.com and i'll remove it (and change the title of my blog... but ten is such a rounded nice number). However, this is my day.
